I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize