she kept yelling 'call me bella'
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
