I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
