Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
