On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
home. puking in laundry basket.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
