Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
being pregnant is like rehab
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
