Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize