you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
