just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
