My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
