Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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