Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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