The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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