I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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