You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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