a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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