i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
