I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize