I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
