Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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