I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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