Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
