I looked at my own cervix.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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