the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
