I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
