DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
