Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
