Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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