Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
