I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
