I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize