Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
