She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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