I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
