I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Operation Purity has been aborted
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
50% drunk capacity currently
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
