fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
What did we do last night that was yellow?
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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