I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
