idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
