I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
