Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
