By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
