yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
