They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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