Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
