remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
