I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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