it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize
