so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
