I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
