Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I looked at my own cervix.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
