stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
