Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
