They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
