I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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