His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize