Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
