Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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