She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize