First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize