just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
