I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Randomize
