the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
