dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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