Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
