Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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