I will die if light touches me.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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