so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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