whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
