Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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