"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
