You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize