What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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