i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Dear god my vagina.
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