Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
