I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
