this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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