You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
