I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
