All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
