is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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