There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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