No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
