If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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