I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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