i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
