Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
