just come out here and I will go home with you...
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize