no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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