if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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