Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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