It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
