Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
