sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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