just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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