I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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