Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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