just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
