the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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