ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
