he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Come on in and take your pants off
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