Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
