I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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