Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
