hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize