I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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