I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
